Jeff Corrigan: welcome back to Habit Masters. I'm Jeff. I'm Sheldon. And today we have. A very exciting topic,
Some, might call it a hard truth.
Sheldon Mills: I, I'm not nervous about it, but this is, oh goodness. I, I am excited in like a nervous kinda way. . Maybe I am a little bit, oh, let's just jump into it,
Jeff Corrigan: Jeff. Yes.
Sheldon Mills: Start out with your story from, from Steve.
Jeff Corrigan: Okay, so, ,
I was listening to a Greg McEwen podcast and he was talking about going to a retreat that Steve Harvey puts on for single mothers. And I'm going to just summarize what I remember. So guys, don't judge me on the correctness of this, to the ladies that were there with their kids, he.
Here's the real problem you have in your lives. You've been asking life for too little.
You've been asking life for too little, and that is why you're struggling. It really hit me hard because I think for someone who is struggling, that's hard to hear. It's like, wait, what? Like, I'm working so hard. You might be working really hard. You've been doing everything you can, like he's talking to single mothers here.
But what's the real message of what he's saying, Sheldon, where does the foot fall here?
Sheldon Mills: We're naming this one. Why should ask for more? Because I think that's part of adulthood actually, is like realizing that all your dreams and hopes, like , it's, it's part of the the hard truths of life.
Like you can't do everything. You can't become everything. You can't have everything. Right. And that's hard, especially when. Let's be honest. Every single one of us has had those times. Jeff and I were talking like we we're fairly, you know, if you, you take a spectrum of people we're on the high end of ambitious, optimistic, hopeful.
And we were just discussing before, that both of us moments over the last week or two where it's just like, where am I going? Like, is this gonna work? Am I really doing anything with my life? You know? And so, That is, I think that's somewhat universal of the experience of life is like mm-hmm.
we get, content isn't even the right word. I'd almost call it like resigned.
Jeff Corrigan: Complacent.
Sheldon Mills: Complacent. Or even like resigned to like, this is my
Jeff Corrigan: lot. Right. Yeah. Good point. I like, I like that better. Yeah. Right.
Sheldon Mills: And we quit. We quit dreaming. We quit wishing and wanting and. and striving for more because we've, we've tried and failed too many times.
Jeff Corrigan: Yeah. Right. We're just trudging through the churn of life at some point, right. Where we're like, this is how it is and this is how it's always gonna be. And we honestly, it's a loss of hope. It's a loss of hope, it's a loss of hope, and that's what we wanna help you. If you're anywhere near that, if you feel like, man, I just, you know, I can't even see the light at the end of this tunnel.
and I'm not gonna pretend to understand , your struggle. Everybody has their struggles, but , there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Yeah. And it starts with asking better questions and asking for more from life, from God, from the universe, whatever you believe in. Yeah. Asking for more because it's available to you.
There's abundance all around. There's an. A speech that used to be given called Acres of Diamonds, and it was, it's a perfect reference. You
Sheldon Mills: could find it. YouTube
Jeff Corrigan: goes the, yeah. , yeah. Acres of diamonds. You guys will love it. And it's the same idea here is all around you. There's abundance and you need to just open your eyes and ask better questions of life.
And I know that sounds simple, but so many times the simple task. is the hardest one to do.
Sheldon Mills: I mean this is, what is it? Was it the secret? Is that what it's called? You know, put it out to the universe. Okay. We're Christian, the Bible, right, Matthew seven. Mm-hmm. asking and shall be giving you seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be open to you.
For everyone that ask if receiveth, then he, that seeketh Findeth, and to him that knocketh shall be opened. Okay. We just read a book. We got a, a copy it. Has it come? We'll come out to next year. It's called 10 x at Ben Hardy. Mm-hmm. . And basically talking about, you can two x something by like.
Grinding harder. Right. But the only way you can 10 x anything in your life is to fundamentally see it in a different light. Mm-hmm. to ask questions that change the way you perceive reality. Right. Cuz your perception is reality and to approach it in a radically different way. Mm-hmm. . And I guess going back to our question of why you should ask for more.
The way we've been asking, way we've been approaching, the way we've been showing up, like it hasn't got us the result we want. Right. You had a few questions that I thought were very enlightening. Jeff had a coaching call with somebody and, and this is one that he shared that I really
Jeff Corrigan: liked. Yeah. The question came from a book called The Three Laws of Performance, which I think if you haven't read it, it's really cool too.
But they ask this question if you change nothing. Right now in your life, right? Where will you be in a year?
Sheldon Mills: Right? If, if, if the way that, like the status quo, your habits, your, you know, everything, if nothing changed, would you be happy? a year from now. Like w and i, I took this to very much mean like, okay, so if, if I take the different areas of my life, like with my health, with my relationship, with my, my spouse, with my children, with, my job money, you know, if nothing else changed, where will you be in a year from now?
Right.
Jeff Corrigan: Yeah. And if you look at that future and say, in a year from now. If I haven't changed anything, I don't like the look of that future, then it's time to ask for more. Yeah, right. It's, it's time to change something. And the real purpose of this episode is about transformation. It's about being willing to take action because asking is actually an action word.
Shel and I were talking about this a moment ago, asking must come with a willingness to act. Yeah. So we would call it asking with real intent. So, because you might be saying like, well, I've already been asking and wishing and thought, and I've thought, and I've wanted more stuff, and, you know, I've, I've been wanting all this other stuff.
Well, ask is an action word. So if you've just been wishing, if you've just been thinking, even if you've been just talking about the thing you want, but you haven't truly been asking and being willing to make a change in your life. Then it's not likely to happen, like we have this false belief that somehow a wish is an ask.
It's not an ask comes with a willingness to act.
Sheldon Mills: Yes. I feel like this is. The, the look in the mirror and ask yourself like the hard questions episode . Yeah. You know what I mean? Because I've tried to think of examples of like, what does this really mean? You know what I mean? Because we mm-hmm.
we there, we all have desires and dreams where we wanna go, but what's the difference between, you know, what's it look like between kind of just a wish versus like asking for more, right? Mm-hmm. and if you want. A fit healthy body will the way you exercise now and eat now, if in a year from now, okay, maybe it doesn't get you to where you want to be, like the final goal, but it's on the road.
You know, Jeff and I have talked about this. Your, your goal is California, right? Mm-hmm. Does it get you on that road? You don't have to have actually achieved. your final goal yet, but the goal is where you're headed, right? Mm-hmm. . And, but you have to have that, and you have to start moving.
Most of what Jeff and I talk about is ways to go from walking to riding a bike, to driving a car, to flying an airplane is to get you there faster and simpler, easier ways, but frankly, if, if you're not asking for more. Mm-hmm. , there's no point. , right? Like what we have to say isn't gonna do much for you , if you're not on the road.
Do you know what I mean? Like, it's like this is fundamental. You have to, you have to start asking more out of life, right? For yourself, for your family, for your kids.
Jeff Corrigan: And I think some practical examples of how this really works, cuz you might be like, okay, I like this idea, right? Maybe you're, maybe you're getting on board with this now.
And here's the thing is, let's just take a boss for example. If you want a raise and you, you're like, Hey, I'm not gonna change my job, but I would love to get a raise. Right? And you go and ask your boss. You have to be prepared for the answer to be no. It might be no, right? But with a no.
Usually comes the caveat of. No, but Right. It's like, no, but if I saw X, then yes. Like if you could do these things, then yes. What that does for you is it suddenly opens options. Right? Like or the purpose, A new position, new responsibilities different. Yeah, exactly. Right. Creating a new future requires creating a new you.
Say you wanted to run to California. Well, maybe you never make it to California, but if you've started running every day in product, you'll be much stronger and a better runner, right? You start becoming a new you.
The purpose of a goal is not actually the result, but the person you're becoming in the process. and let the result be what it may, right? It might not end up the way you thought it would. When Sheldon and I started this podcast, we had grand visions in our head over the first year having, you know, 10,000 subscribers and millions of reviews and all these things, none of which happened, right?
But we became better podcasters along the way. We became better speakers along the way. We became better coaches along the way, like our growth didn't stop just because we didn't achieve our. The goal drove us to become someone new. And that's what asking for more out of life is going to do for you. It's going to give you new options, new roads to grow into.
And the other thing I've found, especially we've heard from our psychologist friends in relationships, communication is the vital part. Have you actually asked your significant other about the things you want?. Or have you just been wishing or hoping, and I know I've fall into that.
I've been guilty of that many times where I'm holding something against my wife when I haven't even vocalized that to her. Right. It's like, ah, she's not gonna say, she is probably gonna say no if I ask her this. Like we assume so much. We never actually ask the question, so what are we gonna ask of our wife, of our husband, of our boss, of God, of the earth that we haven't up to Now we've been assuming the answer without actually asking the question.
Sheldon Mills: Yeah. Well, I, okay, this is easy to see in others, right? But it's so hard to see in ourselves. Isn't amazing how people can do the same things month after month, year after year. and they hope the results will be different. . Right.
Jeff Corrigan: And Einstein's definition in insanity. Right, right.
Sheldon Mills: and, and I bet. Okay. This is philosophy according to Sheldon 1 0 1
I bet that whatever is your biggest pain point in life, whatever it is, that this, like, it's hard to even. look in the mirror about it. You know, whether that in relationships, in, , your health, , your wealth, whatever it is, somehow you've been doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result, right?
Mm-hmm. , it's, it's like that thought process is really what it is. You've had that same conversation in your head, that same argument. Or justification or reliving those things. Do you know what I mean? Like you're doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Right? Somehow. And the only way to change that is to ask for something different,
to mm-hmm. . To change the way to 10 x exit by thinking about it, by perceiving it, by doing things radically different.
Jeff Corrigan: Yeah. That brought to mind. Sheldon. I recently hired on a coach slash mentor. I had my first call with him, and honestly, on the first call it was a little bit unexpected, like I wasn't sure how, what it was gonna be like, what he was gonna show me.
The first call was basically to him just asking me a bunch of questions and then him helping me ask myself better questions, because what keeps us stuck so many times is thinking that we, like Sheldon just said, can have different results or become a different person. without changing anything we're doing, without asking different questions, without asking for more.
, and I, I want to kinda get past this idea that asking for more is somehow greedy or selfish or anything like that. We're not saying like, ask for more money. Like, you know what I mean? Like, yes, maybe do ask for more money, but the point of it is it the ask has to come with a willingness to act,
If the answer comes and it, for example, right, to use the Bible again, , the rich young man comes to Jesus and asks, you know, how, how can I be saved? And he's like, so give everything away and come follow me. And he's unwilling to do it. And, and I think a lot of times what prevents us from asking is a fear that the answer will be no, or the answer will be something we aren't willing to do.
Sheldon Mills: I think sometimes it can be good to look in the mirror and be like, okay, the ask is more than I'm willing to give, right? Mm-hmm. . Absolutely. Okay. My wife shared this with me. She sent it on Instagram
I'm gonna read it to you real quick. This the Brain Health Doctor, healthy Groceries, a hundred dollars. It's too expensive. Dinner date, that's a hundred dollars. Totally reasonable. A health appointment, . $130. That's absurd. A trip to target cost $130. Ah, great deals everywhere. 30 minutes of exercise. I wish I had time.
30 minutes of Instagram, man, the time flies. . One hour of reading feels like eternity. One hour of Netflix. Let's watch another one. . What you prioritize dictates what your life will look like. , and it's hard to be like, yes. You know, ask for more, but your ask only has power when you're willing to act.
Mm-hmm. . What do you want? What do you really want? What do you want enough that you're willing to do something different in order to get it? If you're listening to this, I guarantee you fall into that category, , right? Like you are willing to try and put forth effort if you're listening to this episode, I guarantee that is you, right?
Yes. So ask better questions. Figure out what it is and how do, how do we get that motivation to. To prioritize things of more importance to put the the rocks first offense versus defense.
Jeff Corrigan: I love it. And so many times the answer might be actually something easier than you expected, right?
Yeah. Or the result might be better than you thought but then often it's the opposite. Maybe it's more difficult than you expected , or maybe the results are less than you wanted but if you never ask, if you never try, you never grow, you never progress. You never see the other side of this dream, and you remain where you are, or at least very close to that because when you refuse to change, very little changes for you.
I think that really is what it comes down to is taking ownership over the questions you're asking, rather than responding to everyone else's ask. Maybe you could start asking some of your own questions. We've brought up a bunch of these on our show over the past few episodes, but I thought some of them here would be nice. It's like, what if it could be easy, right? Because too many times we assume things will be hard. Well, what if it could be easy? How could it be easy?
What could you do differently to make it easier? Maybe hire someone, maybe, you know, delegate, maybe find a partner, whatever that looks like to make this task, this goal that you're wanting to achieve easier, right? And then, . Who could help with this?
Is there a better way? Or even the question, am I asking the right questions? Because I think those are all things that we don't tend to ask ourselves. We assume we already are asking the right question, or we are. The first answer we come up with is the best answer. I've found that not to be true. The more curious we become, the better questions we ask.
The more we dive into other solutions, the better solutions become available.
Sheldon Mills: You know, I, so if I'm, I'm gonna admit something right now. I think I've almost approached this a little bit too, pessimistically meaning, you know, are we willing to ask the hard questions and face the hard truth? But at the end of the day, I mean, this is kind of what we talk about a lot, Jeff, is that will the truth to change.
to becoming, to doing and becoming and having, if you know how to do it right, the process is, the questions to ask, the path to take. It isn't as hard as you think it is, and it's not gonna be as painful as you think it is. Mm-hmm. and we're afraid. Right. Our last episode with Dr. Lancer, right? She's like, people are afraid of.
Mm-hmm. even acknowledging that, reframing that, well, this, this isn't fear, this is growth. Just like renaming it to something like this is progress. You know, if I'm afraid of doing something, that's because I'm growing can give you that boost of confidence of to, to try, yeah ,
Jeff Corrigan: well, I love that because it's like every No. Could be opening a door and every failure could really be learning. If they say no, it's just opening another door. Because otherwise you don't know what other doors there are. Unless they say no and they say, okay, if that's not the case, what other options are there?
It's like you don't just have to accept no as face value, right? No. Usually means, well there's another door, like open something else, . But I love that example, and I think the key of all of this is you find what you're looking for, and like Sheldon was saying earlier, I, I think we have looked at it pessimistically because in all honesty, if we're changing the way we should be changing, our life should get better, not worse.
So remaining on our current trajectory, like if we change nothing and we end up a year from now where we don't want to be, that's a much harder truth than changing something and ending up somewhere better. Does that make sense? Yeah. like
Sheldon Mills: Ask for more, like one more.
Yeah. I, there's a way to get it, I guess is what I'm saying. I perhaps. The more, I think, more honest view, but optimistic view is that yes, life has, been challenging for everybody. It just has mm-hmm. , like, that's like somehow that's part of life. . But like, don't give up your dreams. Don't give up.
Wanting a better life of being willing to do the things that take you there. It's do. . Mm-hmm. . Like, unless you ask life for more, ask more of God, ask more of yourself, ask more of others. If you just stay in the status quo, it's not gonna change as much as you want. Right.
Like, and, and you can. And you will, but you gotta want it. You gotta have the goal. You have to be pursuing something,
Jeff Corrigan: a dream. Yeah. And maybe just maybe the hardest truth of all. is having nothing change, ? Is, is staying exactly where we are. And I, I think when we realize that fact that not changing is the hardest truth, , it gives us all the freedom in the world to say, okay, what else can I ask for?
What's better? Like how anything is better than this, right? Like, and that might not be true of you. My life's pretty good. I've got a lot of great things. I know Shelton was saying that earlier, right? He's like, I got a lot of good things going for me right now and maybe you have a lot of good things for going for you right now.
So this isn't about abandoning all the good, it's saying what could be even better? And maybe it's not even you getting more, but maybe being able to contribute at a higher level, Having more time and availability to spend with your kids. Those types of things that are way more valuable than money.
Way more valuable than, all the things of cars and houses and whatever else there might be that people put value on. Ask for more. And if I had to give you a takeaway, it would say ask with intention, which is a willingness to. to make something happen in your life.
Make a change.
Sheldon Mills: I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. , this is a mindset thing, right? Like, like dream big. Still don't give up. Don't give up.
Jeff Corrigan: Well, in the practical application, The takeaway for today is, what do I do next? I would say, what has been a question on your mind that you've been assuming the answer to?
Whether it's for a boss, whether it's to your spouse, whether it's to God, whether it's a significant other. Go ask for that. Go ask that question that you've been waiting for because you'll never know what the answer actually is until you.
Sheldon Mills: And if you don't ask,
they can't say yes. ,
Jeff Corrigan: they don't ask. They can't say yes, which is one of our old episodes.
If you wanna go back and listen.
Sheldon Mills: I think it was our first interview
actually.
Jeff Corrigan: I think it was our first interview. So pretty cool. Okay, so go ask with real intent. Sheldon, you wanna close us up here?
Sheldon Mills: Thank you for listening. Again, we would love to hear from you either in reviews or just email us and if this was useful for you, please share it.
And thank you.
Go
Jeff Corrigan: start livin your best life,